Shot Through the Heart and You're to Blame
by Moonfairyhime
Summary: It's not that Wes wants to die, it's just that he doesn't want Travis to die. Pre-Travis/Wes, written after 1x02.


Title: Shot Through the Heart (And You're to Blame)  
Author: moonfairyhime  
Spoilers: As long as you've seen the second episode, you'll be fine  
Characters: Wes and Travis (pre-Travis/Wes)  
Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
Warnings: Stream of Consciousness-ish, hurt!Wes, gratuitous use of parenthesis  
Summary: It's not that Wes wants to die, it's just that he doesn't want Travis to die.  
Author's Notes: I seriously can't believe I'm writing a fanfic about a tv show that's only aired two episodes (so, warning here for some speculation for things that haven't been discussed on the show yet). I haven't written a thing in two years and then Common Law happened. Oh, fandom, you're so shiny. Also, I wrote this after a particular shitty day at work, so, yay, therapy. Title from Bon Jovi's song "Shot Through the Heart." A huge thank you to dragongirl16 for betaing this for me (even though you've never seen Common Law. Don't worry, fandom, I fixed that problem.). Written before we knew why Wes pulled the gun on Travis, so I made up my own reason.

* * *

After everything was said and done, Wes never does figure out how he knew that the meeting with the suspect was going south. All he'll ever clearly remember is the moment when he decided that Travis wasn't the one who was going to die. He shoved Travis aside, ignoring the other man's outraged yelp of shock (though, later, when Wes and Travis discuss everything that happened that day with Dr. Ryan, Travis would insist that it was a very manly shout of surprise and Wes would just snort in disbelief). He felt the bullet enter his flesh, tearing through layers of skin, tearing through muscle. He knew the bullet had hit him in the shoulder and it wasn't that far from the heart. He felt Travis catch him as he crumpled to the ground. He heard Travis calling for an ambulance once the two of them were on the ground. But the only thing Wes could pay attention to was the pain (the sheer agony) of Travis putting pressure on the wound. He was aware, on some level, of Travis dropping his cell phone and saying something to Wes (he should pay attention, it may actually be important), but the only thing he knew for sure was that he was bleeding (bleeding out) in a suspect's house with Travis (but at least it wasn't Travis bleeding out).

"No, man, you don't get to do this to me," Wes hears Travis tell him as Travis pushes down hard on the wound, ignoring the gasp of pain. "Alex will kill me if you die. And Dr. Ryan will be pissed. You can't go to couples therapy when the other half of the couple is dead."

Wes doesn't answer because he really doesn't want his last memory of Travis (and Travis's last memory of him, because that's what this will be right? This will be the end of their partnership, their friendship, the end of _everything_, both said and unsaid) to be of another pointless argument, but he knows that Travis is wrong. No one will miss him when he dies. He's not like Travis, was never like Travis. He never made friends like Travis does; Wes never had the people skills that Travis does.

However, although Wes doesn't doubt that Alex will miss him, in the end, in some secretive place that she'll hate herself for having, she'll be glad to be rid of him. She won't be forced to live through that awkward moment of telling someone that she and Wes are divorced ever again. She won't have to worry about receiving any more phone calls from people, asking her to take care of something simply because Wes refuses to let go (of her, of what she meant (and still means) to him and what he once meant to her) of their past.

"Come on, Wes! Don't do this to me!"

Other than Alex, Wes has no one in his life except for Travis (and Wes refuses to believe that that is a sad statement about his life because he has Travis in his life and billions of people don't and, to make it even sadder to be them, they don't realize what they're missing out on). And Wes still isn't sure where he and his partner stand. Once, they were amazing together. But then everything fell apart, something that Wes only blames himself for (he never once blamed Travis for their issues, no matter what he actually says. He only pulled the gun on Travis because Travis was saying things, _truths_, that Wes desperately needed to hear even if he hadn't _wanted_ to hear them at the time). And now, Wes knows (or, to be honest, hopes) that Travis cares about him, but Wes knows that Travis will be glad (somewhere very deep down) to get a new partner, someone easier to work with, someone less OCD, someone less worried about following procedure.

No, no one will miss Wes when he dies. And Wes can't fault those people he knows will be glad when they find out he's dead.

"Dammit, Wes. You can't die on me. I'm not going to let you do this." Wes notices that Travis is looking around, listening for the ambulance. "Dammit, where are they?!"

Wes knows that this is the last chance he'll have to talk to Travis, the last chance to tell him everything (and Wes means _everything_: how Travis is the best partner and friend he ever had; how much he cares about Travis and how those feelings are beginning to change and strengthen into something like love; how he doesn't want Travis to be upset when he dies and that Travis should never, ever feel guilty that Wes took the bullet that was meant for him, because, really, it's for the best that Wes is the one who will die.). Instead, Wes gently sighs, losing (both the physical and emotional) strength to admit his feelings aloud. Instead, he allows his eyes to close and he proceeds to ignore all of Travis's demands that Wes open his eyes, dammit.

Later (after a passage of time that could have been five seconds or five years, Wes has given up on trying to keep track of time. It only takes dying for him to start giving up control. He thinks that Dr. Ryan would be proud), he hears sirens. He also hears Travis let out a sigh of relief. "Look, Wes, they're here. You're going to be all right. Do you hear me, you stubborn jackass, you're going to be fine."

Wes – still desperately wanting his last moments with Travis not to be an argument – doesn't say anything. Instead, he allows himself to give up the ghost and he allows himself to let go of consciousness.

He never hears Travis's shouts of denial; never hears Travis begging, demanding the paramedics to save his life. All he knows is darkness.

* * *

He wakes up to pain. Wes slowly opens his eyes, not sure if he's going to wake up to a choir of angels or a horde of demons (not that he's ever been overly religious, but he's always found it comforting to believe that there's some sort of afterlife).

It turns out, he's still alive. He's probably not as shocked about this as he should be (it's not that he wanted to die, it's just that he didn't want Travis to die).

Instead of angels or demons, Wes wakes up to Travis. Travis, who looks like he hasn't slept or ate or done anything except sit by Wes's side for days (and Wes would like to know how many days it's been – it's very important to him to have control, even over time. Although he knows that Dr. Ryan would be upset to see this need to control returning, Wes finds himself glad for it.).

Wes notes the look of sheer relief on Travis's face before Travis ruins the moment by speaking. "When I'm sure you're awake enough to remember this, you and I are going to have Words. Then Alex wants to Speak with you. I think Dr. Ryan is interested in having a Discussion with you. And I know she wants to have a Talk with both of us. But, for right now… Man, I am so damn glad that you are okay. You are never doing something that stupid again."

As he closes his eyes, ready for some real rest (and ignoring the instinct to argue with Travis, to tell Travis that, yes, he would do something that stupid again because, to him, it wasn't stupid), he takes a second to wonder when Travis learned to talk with capital letters. Wes dismisses the thought as unimportant for the moment (though he does wonder how much time Alex and Travis spent together while he was unconscious as she's the master of talking with capital letters). Wes has no regrets in taking that bullet (although that may change the first time Travis annoys him or when he's stuck on desk duty for weeks on end); he's glad he saved his partner and it is something he will do again (in their line of work, it's an absolute truth (and not a romantic promise) that something like this will happen again). And maybe, just maybe, those Words that Travis wants to have with him will lead to some truths that both partners need to acknowledge.


End file.
